Now consider my situation:

I borrowed a lot of money for businesses that failed. All the business debt was personally guaranteed – making my wife and I liable for the debt, even if the businesses failed. Granted, we also borrowed money to buy a modest townhouse, while my business was working. We also bought 2 family cars (both paid off now), took a second mortgage to fix our house, and I got another university degree using student loans. Of course, we charged some personal stuff on credit cards. But, the majority of the debt is as a result of the business credit and mortgage.

Then I became a Christian in the middle of all these, by the Grace of the LORD.

Now, the minimum payments for the total debt exceed the income we derive from my wife’s job. I’m still not making a dime – no job. Regardless of my strong reservations about the teaching that not paying tithe is stealing from God, I really do want to return my tithes faithfully since I committed to it before I was baptized and since my wife 100% believes in it, as it is traditionally presented (Malachi 3).

Some counselors have suggested that I need to return “God’s part” regardless of my debt – and my wife fully accepts this. Yet the problem is that tithe or no tithe, we don’t have enough to meet the minimum monthly payments on the loans.

Any thoughts?

The Bible does have some important words about caring for family (1 Tim. 5:8). I think this passage (in context) actually applies most directly to adult children caring for elderly parents. Thus, you’re right to be concerned about the financial need of this parent. If you are putting undo financial strain on a parent by receiving money then the most loving thing you may be able to do is to develop a plan where those funds are no longer needed. I know that is no easy task, but you may discover a way to do this.

In my question to you, somehow my desire to explain our real dilemma must’ve been missed… my mistake. Our number one dilemma is that we DESIRE and want to give our tithe as we always have… like I said, not our of duty or legalism but because we want to give to God what’s His, this has always been a joyful act on our part… but we are putting a hardship on our parent. We don’t feel right about this as we feel that we aren’t giving whats ours to begin with.

So when my husband and I discuss this, our ‘motive’ is only to make sure that we are not taking funds from our parent that needs to stay there in order to pay for their long term care needs that are shortly coming into effect… it’s an awful feeling to call that parent and ask for ‘x’ amount when we know that they need it.

Thanks for your help.

The answer to your question probably lies in your motive. Ask yourself why you might want to stop giving or why you might want to use the money you planned to give. If the answers do not honor God or come from an emotionally unhealthy place then you should continue to give (including what you originally set aside to give).

I pray that you can find more godly advice to help you make a decision that will honor God.

thanks so much for even having this discussion. i know it’s a lot of work, you’ve done a great job of being kind while using scripture as your guide. be encouraged. i was glad to come across this discussion… wasn’t sure i’d find something biblically based on this topic. no shock that i’m not alone on these questions. here’s my situation… would love your advise please.

bottom lines: my husband and i have always tithed 10%. not out of duty or to get pay back… but out of cheerful obedience and knowing that there is a blessing that comes out of this. in my personal experience, i have received specific financial blessings at times, when i tithed not knowing how my bills would be payed or if i’d have enough at the end of the month, but knew that i was giving in faith and God would provide. we have also tithed for years now, and been cautious and responsible (mostly… we’re not perfect and i know we’ve gone for dinner here or there more than necessary etc… thank goodness we are not under law and under the grace of Jesus) with our monthly income. my husband works full time and gets as much overtime as possible. i stay home with our young children and have international students living with us in order to provide a small second income. we are doing all we can, are not able to sell our home or vehicle etc. etc. we are not in credit card debt but are unable to make ends meet each month, no matter how much work we do… so are forced to ask for and take money from a parent. every month. for years now. this parent that gives us money each month is no longer in a position where they can comfortably do this… they will possibly need extra care in the near future as they are elderly and ailing and we have come to a point that we depise having to take the money and negatively affect their financial situation but completely disagree with using our credit cards to pay our bills. we won’t do this. SOOOO… in this situation, we have continued tithing, knowing that we are giving cheerfully the first back to God that all was His in originally anyway. everything we have comes from Him. right now, our tithe has collected over the last 2 months as we were switching churches… and we are in an extra difficult financial position this month. we discussed using this built up tithe (that i should’ve given immediately anyway) this month since we are in such a tight spot… only this one time. but still weren’t sure. we decided to take today to pray about it, both feeling that this may be a God providing us with a gift this month, but also so hesitant because we want to obey and not be swayed by our emotions on this and mistake it as God’s will. so i ended up searching online, and here i am now, thankful that you have this discussion and hoping you are still there and able to advise us on this.

One of the key points of my post is that sometimes people stop giving, but they don’t stop spending. Not having money to give is often a result of poor habits and poor money management. A person who has poor habits and poor money management who stops giving will still have money problems.

In a case where a person does have good habits and good money management and nothing to give I do suggest they sit down with a trusted church leader. There is now law one ought to follow.

My reference to Timothy was simply to say I think that Paul was addressing the fact that some people were out spending money on other things and didn’t have anything to give to the widows they should be caring for. Paul thinks that is a tragedy – even unbelievers wouldn’t do that.

Thus, the focus of this passage is not giving, but neglecting important responsibilities with your money.

When I speak of proportionate giving I’m thinking of 2 Cor. 8:12. Thus, we give according to what we have.

Proportionate giving is also about giving according to our faith, experiences, knowledge, or even age.

I’m not sure if sacrificial giving is the standard or not (not saying I disagree I honestly don’t know). I think about Zacchaeus who gave away half of everything he owned and Jesus said salvation had come to his house. I don’t know if that was truly a ‘sacrifice’ or not, but he showed Christ that money was no longer his master or idol. If Zacchaeus had 5 million in the bank we could easily argue that giving 2.5 wouldn’t have require a sacrifice. If anyone gives a portion of their income it seems as if they must sacrifice in order to do so.

Proportional giving does not show the heart. Sacrificial giving shows the heart. I believe God looks for sacrificial giving, not proportional giving. There is a big difference between giving from your abundance than sacrificing something in order to give.

Someone making $100,000 a year and gives a tenth, or $10,000, has given very little compared to someone making $10,000 a year and gives even 5%, or $500. The one giving the 5% has sacrificed much more than the one giving a tenth.

God sacrificed His only Son. He didn’t give us a proportional amount.

Jesus sacrificed His life, not a portion of it.

The sacrifice is what matters, not the amount or proportion. No one wants to hear that, so you seldom hear it in church. It’s so much easier just to teach a percentage and leave it at that.